Article prepared by Wally Lazaruk, February 2023
“To feel safe in the deep end of the pool of intimacy, a person needs to speak their own truth and be comfortable with closeness.” – Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
Intimacy is defined as a “close familiarity or friendship”, a “closeness between people in personal relationships.” People connect emotionally, form a bond based on knowledge of each other, feel comfortable and care about each other.
What are the foundations of intimacy? Dr. Rick Hanson, clinical psychologist and best-selling author, writes about four foundations of intimacy: personal autonomy, empathy, compassion and kindness and unilateral virtue.
How can we practice each of these foundations? Some suggestions are listed below:
- Personal autonomy
• Stand up for ourselves and make our own choices based on our own values.
• Express our thoughts and feelings.
• Establish appropriate boundaries.
• Take care of our needs.
• Ask for what we want.
• Trust our judgment.
• Stay open to the feelings of other people.
• Be determined, centered and strong. - Empathy
• Try to understand other people: their beliefs, values and plans.
• Increase our self-awareness, tuning into the sensations, emotions, thoughts, and desires inside ourselves.
• Step out of our perspective and enter another person’s inner world.
• Be sensitive to the powerful impact that life experiences such as parents, relationships and culture have on other people.
• Do our best to become more knowledgeable and skilful with people who belong to a group that is different from our own. - Compassion and kindness
• Show concern, care, respect and support for others.
• Relate to others with kindness and acceptance in instances of pain, struggle, suffering or failure.
• Understand that experiencing pain, suffering, struggle, failure, and hardship are part of common humanity, our shared human experience.
• Support, encourage, and protect ourselves and others from harm.
• Help others who are suffering as best we can. - Unilateral virtue
• Identify what really matters to us.
• Stay true to our own code of conduct.
• Know how we want to speak and act.
• Focus on our responsibility.
• Be determined to help others with caring, decency and respect.
• Be centered in our bodies and rest in our integrity.
• Do no harm.
“As you open up and invest in relationships, you become more exposed and vulnerable. At the same time, close and nurturing relationships help you feel safe and worthy as an individual.” — Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
Prepared by: Wally Lazaruk, February 2023
References:
Rick Hanson, https://www.rickhanson.net
The Foundations of Well-Being Online Course – Dr. Rick Hanson
https://www.rickhanson.net › Online Courses
